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Sunday, November 24, 2013

Sigh

I could avoid this post, I honestly do wish I could because I want to pretend it didn't happen.  I know I owe nobody the intimate details of my life.  However, I set out to document my life, my dreams, learn, share, and help others along the way with written word.  We were never promised an easy journey on our path of life.  I have definitely had my share of troubled times along my journey lately.  However, I never in my worst nightmare's would dream I would be sharing not only this with you, but the past two losses as well.

My maternal cousin Jason, just five months younger than I, passed early this month.  He passed on my father's birthday.   He was a talented musician.  He was working very hard on his dream.  He was a talented writer and had a beautiful voice.  He was truly blessed with the gift of music.  He was also my childhood friend.  We grew up very close by one another and our families spent our holidays and special occasions together.  We also just spent time at one another's homes going back and forth.  Our families had picnics and played at the park.  We had a lot of fun and played together often.  We experienced the joys and pains in growing up together.  We discussed life and our dreams and idea's.  He enjoyed playing in town where we lived, and I loved playing in the country where they lived some of our childhood.  Later when they moved to a small town close by we had fun there as well.  We both had younger siblings and we took it upon ourselves to entertain them.  We spent many hours playing with them,  making up games, doing silly things to make them laugh and doing our best to entertain them.  We were always laughing and joking and he was the life of the party.  He loved to make people smile.  In later years I missed him, he had moved away like many of us do to find and discover himself.  He settled on the east coast and loved the fair weather and beautiful beaches.  He absolutely loved to sing and entertain.  When he came back home to visit, he always had his guitar, he carried one with him almost all the time and we were always treated to him singing and playing for us.  I was always so proud of him and his work and dedication to his goal of making beautiful music.  Thankfully through technology we were able to keep in touch over the years and I always told him how proud I was of him.   We had many years of fun and his laughter and music will live on in my heart forever.

 
This is a link to a beautiful song that Jay wrote and performed called Heaven.
When I think of him I think of this song. I am thankful every day that we have recordings of his music to help us through this extremely difficult time in our lives.  It has been a great comfort.

In light of all the heartbreaking loss my family has experienced this year.  I brought myself to share this sad news with you as well.  Not that I would have not, it's just that honestly I haven't felt myself lately or felt like blogging because my soul aches.  I just returned from driving with my cousin Jay's older sister, across country to her brother's funeral.  I was thankful for the time with my cousin.   We discussed many things as I drove along.  I am physically and mentally exhausted and my heart is full of sorrow for those we have lost this year.  I miss them.  I have yet to heal from the loss of my dad and my cousin's loss I have yet to begin to deal with.  I share, because I know I am not the only one suffering or who has experienced loss.  I am not the only one who has the heartbreak of loosing more than one family member in a short time.  I will in time feel more whole, and heal.  My heart will always hold a special place for my family who has gone on before me.  

In the mean time, as I heal, reflect, grow and change.  I keep my family, my goals, and that which is important dear to my heart.  I still hold sacred our goals in this short life that we are here on earth.  I will continue to share with you my daily life, and trust that I will be blessed with a very large span before I experience the heartbreak of the death of a loved one again.  Blessing to you and your family as you hold those dear to you close.  Life truly is short and we never do know when our journey will end or the journey of our loved ones.  Hugs

7 comments:

Kathy said...

Hi there just popped in from a link on another blog...so sorry to hear about the loss of your family members. I have in fact just today written a post about my own brother who died in 1989. It's the first time I have written all those things in the one place with photos and it was a difficult post to write even after all these years. My thoughts and prayers are with your families at this difficult time. Regards Kathy A, Brisbane, Australia

Anne Reardon said...

So sorry for your loss. It is doubly sad when a young person dies. I'm glad you have such lovely memories of your cousin. Best wishes xxx

Anonymous said...

This is a lovely tribute to your cousin and his song is perfect. My deepest sympathy for your loss and for the hard year you've had.

Tania @ Out Back said...

My heart breaks for you Amy, surely you are due for some happier times. Always harder to deal with when a younger person dies, sounds like Jay was a wonderful talented man.

~hugs to you~

xTania

Peace Country Homestead said...

Sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Nanna Chel said...

Amy, big hugs from me! I lost my brother a few years ago just after my mum died and I felt like I had an arm or a leg missing for some time. It was a very strange feeling. I am more used to them not being around now as it does take time for that to happen but that doesn't mean I have forgotten them but it doesn't hurt quite so much now.

I wish you all the best in the journey you are on.

Madge said...

Amy, what a terribly sad time, my condolences to you and I wish for you happier times ahead while still holding your loved ones, close to your heart.
Madge.