Today my sister returns and we begin the process of sorting my Dad's apartment. I have been dreading this day and woke up early from the anxiety of the process. His funeral was extremely difficult, but this will be so final. We only lived a couple of short blocks from one another and to glance over and see his things gone, his apartment empty and then eventually occupied with a new tenant will be difficult at best.
His memory will always be in my heart, and on my mind. His spirit is with me around me. I can feel peace. At the same time sorrow and deep pain. In moments like this, objects are comforting. Things that belonged to him, a shirt, a book, they are just things, but they bring a small measure of comfort when you are grasping at anything to keep his memory alive in fear that in time it will fade. I want his smile, his voice, his laugh, his story telling, his hugs, his encouraging words to stay vibrantly fresh in my mind. I am so very thankful for the technology we have in this era. It helps my mind and heart to remember, to recall, to hear him, his words, his voice, and his image. I know I will never forget these things but in moments like today when you panic and feel fear that you will. It is comforting to know you have photographs and video to watch and look at. I am so very thankful that he loved to take pictures, and my children and myself do as well. We are blessed with a multitude of beautiful photo's of him. These colorful pieces of paper mean the world to us right now as we look through an album with the word Papa written in the handwriting of a sweet loving granddaughter.
His memory will always be in my heart, and on my mind. His spirit is with me around me. I can feel peace. At the same time sorrow and deep pain. In moments like this, objects are comforting. Things that belonged to him, a shirt, a book, they are just things, but they bring a small measure of comfort when you are grasping at anything to keep his memory alive in fear that in time it will fade. I want his smile, his voice, his laugh, his story telling, his hugs, his encouraging words to stay vibrantly fresh in my mind. I am so very thankful for the technology we have in this era. It helps my mind and heart to remember, to recall, to hear him, his words, his voice, and his image. I know I will never forget these things but in moments like today when you panic and feel fear that you will. It is comforting to know you have photographs and video to watch and look at. I am so very thankful that he loved to take pictures, and my children and myself do as well. We are blessed with a multitude of beautiful photo's of him. These colorful pieces of paper mean the world to us right now as we look through an album with the word Papa written in the handwriting of a sweet loving granddaughter.
5 comments:
Awe... I'm so sorry, Amy XO Time will slowly heal your broken heart. For now, take it one day at a time (((((Amy))))
Be prepared for the shoes Amy, in fact I'd ask someone else to deal with those for you if it's possible.
Big hugs to you Amy. Take each day as it comes, the pain will ease as time goes by. Life will never be the same without your dear Dad in it. It is so lovely that he has left you with such beautiful memories of a great man.
XO
Amy,I am so very sorry to hear of the passing your Dad. I caught up on your posts and he sounds like he was a lovely human being. The fishing photo was very poignant.
Sending you love and hugs from NH...Donna
Thank you each and every one of you. I have read each comment when they were posted and took them to heart. Many of my "duties" are now finished and the shoes were big! However, I wore them proudly and made the most of everything I needed to take care of, learning as I went and appreciating and thankful from the bottom of my heart for the compassion of others in my life as I made difficult decisions while struggling with what felt like unbearable pain. I am so extremely blessed to have such kindness and compassion surrounding me on this journey. I am truly blessed beyond measure.
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